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Ted Found Alive...

Ted Found Alive...

dumpster

dumpster

This just in - Packers GM Ted Thompson found alive...

In an amazing development, the NFL has just revealed that a sleeper cell of radical Packer fans successfully pulled off a plot to kidnap Packers GM Ted Thompson before the NFL draft and replace him with a look-alike puppet.

Thompson was found this morning, bruised but otherwise unharmed, in a dumpster outside of a Holiday Inn in nearby Appleton, Wisconsin. Thompson had been drugged and woke up confused in the dumpster. His calls for help attracted the attention of hotel guests, who helped him out of the dumpster and untied him.

Upon being found, Thompson was quoted as asking what had happened in the NFL Draft. When told the Packers had drafted strictly at need positions, he fell to his knees and cried out "no wide receivers"?

Packer fans everywhere suddenly have an explanation for the strange events that took place this weekend. The Green Bay Packers drafted for need with every selection, ignoring the "best player available" mantra they normally espouse.

Yes, now it's obvious. This was a draft for the fans, by the fans. It's just not feasible that the real Ted Thompson would have ever drafted this way. No wide receivers? No quarterbacks? No trading down for more picks? Come on.

The extent of this plot is not yet known and we are left with many questions. How many fans were involved? Are other attacks in the works? Who crafted such a perfect look-alike puppet that nobody even noticed it wasn't the real Ted?

These and other questions are still to be answered. In the meantime, while I don't advocate or condone such actions, allow me to simply say to these radical Packer fans -  "Thank You."

You can find Jersey Al Bracco's Packer articles on several sports websites: NFLTouchdown.com, Packers LoungePacker Chatters, Jersey Al's Blog, and  Bleacher Report.

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Fan friendly comments only: off Comments (21) This filter will hide comments which have ratio of 5 to 1 down-vote to up-vote.

Alex Tallitsch's picture

This was great, In Appleton huh? Hmm.

Jersey Al's picture

I only know so many towns in Wisconsin. It was either that or Fond du Lac.

Andyman's picture

I was in Green Bay all day Saturday, so it wasn't me!

MrBacon's picture

Its simple if you think about it.

The past 3 years Thompson has rebuilt the whole entire base of the team through the draft, and choice free agent picks. He traded down, to have more shots at getting the right guy. Now Thompson felt comfortable enough, that the 3 year base he developed was strong enough to start trading up to fill the remianing gaps on the team.

QB is covered, RB and WR as well.

So the need was on defense, and we needed lineman on both sides and linebackers specifically. The secondary is loaded, so no needs there.

We got a DE and NT, plus a OLB which plugs up holes there. We also got tackels, and signed Duke Preston for a spot.

So now this the year in which Thompson's grand plan of setting up a possible divisonal dynasty should start to come into action.

Asshalo's picture

"When told the Packers had drafted strictly at need positions, he fell to his knees and cried out “no wide receivers”? Lol, nice.

"So now this the year in which Thompson’s grand plan of setting up a possible divisonal dynasty should start to come into action." Everyone was saying the same thing after 2007. Winning the offseason doesn't always mean winning in the regular season. Just ask the Washington Redskins. Don't get me wrong, I thought this was a really strong draft. It's just too soon for me to accept a dynasty

MrBacon's picture

True, but the difference between this draft and 07 was that Ted drafted up, and gave away 2nd and 3rd rounders for one more 1st round pick. Which would say "I am confident, that the supply is more than my demand, so he choose to cherry pick the best player possible rather than spend three picks and see them pan out.

If Raji & Clay help fix the run game, and put pressure on the QB, then are already great secondary will clean up the fly balls.

Also, Kuhn or Hall will be out of a job, because I think we got a true blocking Fullback for Rodgers and Grant.

We shall see though.

Jersey Al's picture

I really like the fullback pick. No more failures to gain 1 yard on third and short...

Asshalo's picture

"Which would say “I am confident, that the supply is more than my demand, so he choose to cherry pick the best player possible rather than spend three picks and see them pan out. "

Again, winning the offseason doesn’t always mean winning in the regular season. But, yes, we shall see.

Jersey Al's picture

The real Ted is back. 5 free agent wide receivers were signed today, according to the Journal Sentinel.

PackersRS's picture

<blockquote cite="comment-3216">

<strong><a href="#comment-3216" rel="nofollow">Asshalo</a></strong>: “Which would say “I am confident, that the supply is more than my demand, so he choose to cherry pick the best player possible rather than spend three picks and see them pan out. ”Again, winning the offseason doesn’t always mean winning in the regular season. But, yes, we shall see.

</blockquote>

I agree with you. But to analyse, you have to start from somewhere, so the current roster and the past performance of players is the material in which you evaluate who's better, right? Starting from that point, you have to agree that we had 3 big holes in our team, pass rush, run defense and offensive line. With this draft, we are closer to fixing those gaps. I agree that they didn't have a snap in the NFL, but Raji brings more value than Jolly, from what we can compare to. Meanwhile, the Bears, Lions and Vikins, for what they've done, didn't adress all their holes.

Like you said, we'll only see in September, but from a roster analysis perspective, I'd say we're closer to getting there than most of these teams. Looking at the rosters past performances and the evaluation, and the performances of the players drafted by each team, I'd say we're above 70, 80% of the league, at least.

Asshalo's picture

"But to analyse, you have to start from somewhere, so the current roster and the past performance of players is the material in which you evaluate who’s better, right?"

Oh for sure. Just trying to account for what you can't quite account for right now. Not saying he's wrong-- just that nothing is certain. "Like you said, we’ll only see in September, but from a roster analysis perspective, I’d say we’re closer to getting there than most of these teams." I agree with that 100%.

Bobby.O.Shea's picture

Good stuff, Al. Too bad you hang out at Packer Chatters

Jersey Al's picture

There’s plenty of room for everybody…

Asshalo's picture

Going to beat a dead horse. Still think we're weak at DE. Does anyone know the status on Holliday? He was only cut because he was getting a bonus. He's a perfect band-aid for that spot (stats were great for 3-4 DE)

Jersey Al's picture

Well, he's from Jersey (just a few towns over from me), so it needs to be Jersified. The easiest way to do that would be, whatever you come up with, it goes on a "hard" roll. I've heard them called Kaiser Rolls, don't know if there's a different name for them in Wisconsin.

Asshalo's picture

Just got a great idea: We should have a packerslounge contest to come up with the RAJI BURGER. Thoughts? I've already started drafting one.

http://www.theintaweb.net/fatty.JPG

Master Bates's picture

A Buger topped with P.E.C...

Pork Roll, Egg, &amp; Cheese, baby..yeah!

Jersey Al's picture

In NJ, Pork Roll = "Taylor Ham". People have told me it's tough to find outside of NJ. I would skip the egg, since this isn't a breakfast sandwich.

This is a good start - A burger with Taylor Ham and Cheese on a hard roll - now just add condiments and you've got it!

MrBacon's picture

Well R-A-J-I would be pretty nasty.

Relish-Artichoke-Jalepenos-Iceberg Lettuce

What these galaxy smashers need at least is one thing, Bacon.

Asshalo's picture

I've been to many a funky burger joint in my day, so I tried to do something completely original...

Black angus with a pocket of pepper jack cheese in the middle of the pattie (requires a hand-made pattie)

Toppings:

Pulled Pork
BBQ Beans
Tater tots
diced onions optional

...the cheese in the center of the pattie was inspired by a dish called Chinese Assholes which are italian sausage meatballs filled with onions and mozz cheese.

Overall, I wanted a flat out dirty burger to symbolize the fuck-shit-up nature of Raji's role in the 3-4.

Alex Tallitsch's picture

Quote: <blockquote cite="comment-3240">

<strong><a href="#comment-3240" rel="nofollow">Asshalo</a></strong>: <P>I’ve been to many a funky burger joint in my day.</P>
</blockquote>

Lol.

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