Surviving Sunday: Packers news, notes and links for the football deprived

The Green Bay Packers have a season-ticket waiting list that stretches from Mondovi to Racine. They don't need silly gimmicks and giveaways to get Packers fans to fill up Lambeau Field every Sunday.

Nonetheless, the Packers are forging ahead with a new promotional and giveaway schedule for all home games in 2016. A top-secret source told CheeseheadTV.com that the Packers are implementing the promotional schedule as a way to give back to the fans for their loyalty and support. That same top-secret source provided CheeseheadTV.com with a top-secret copy of the promotional schedule.

We're going to exclusively reveal it here in this post.

Ready? Set? Go:

Week 3, vs. Lions
James Jones Appreciation Day

Where would the Packers offense have been without James Jones last season? Further in the toilet, that’s where. Jones’ ability to make contested catches and snag touchdowns bailed the Packers out of trouble often in 2015. His reward? A swift kick to the curb by the team he helped keep above water. Just because the Packers didn’t appreciate Jones’ heroics, it doesn’t mean the fans have forgotten about him. Jones will spend the entire game walking up and down the aisles in the Lambeau field stands, accepting your gratitude for everything he did last season. Pat Jones on the back. Tell him “atta boy” and “thank you.” Throw a few bucks his way (remember, he played for the veteran medium last season). Do what you need to do to show James Jones some well-deserved love on his special day. Fans are also encouraged to wear their favorite sleeveless turtleneck or hoodie to the game.

Week 5 vs. Giants
Jeff Janis Bobblehead Day

The Jeff Janis bobblehead rarely comes out of its box because it lacks chemistry with the other Packers bobbleheads. But when it is released from its cardboard confines, watch out. The Janis bobblehead bobbles like no other. It’s bobbling is bigger, faster and stronger than other bobblehead's bobbles. It also has a tremendous amount of heart and hustle. Word is, Mike McCarthy is refusing to put the Jeff Janis bobblehead on his shelf, so it's up to all of you to show the Janis bobblehead the love it deserves.

Week 6 vs. Cowboys
Dom Capers Hair Day

Any fan who wears their hair like Dom Capers receives a free G-Force towel that’s been sitting in a box in the Packers storage shed for the last two years. The Capers combover must be precise and the sides of the hair perfectly squared off. No exceptions.

Week 7 vs. Bears
Who cares it’s the Bears Day

Instead of playing football for the first three quarters, Packers players and team personnel will coordinate a two-hour production of “The Bears Still Suck.” All fans in attendance will play a prominent role in the production, which will feature singing, dancing, and video highlights of the Bears biggest meltdowns vs. the Packers. The actual game will begin in the fourth quarter with the score tied. The NFL has given the Packers permission to begin the game in the final quarter because that way all the meaningless action is skipped and we can get right to the part where Jay Cutler costs the Bears the game by throwing a terrible and embarrassing interception.

Week 9 vs. Colts
Eddie Lacy Scale Day

You knew this day was coming. All fans will receive a special Eddie Lacy scale, which tells you if you're fat or in shape based on the angle of of a photograph you take of yourself and feed into a special scanner on the bottom of the scale.

Week 13 vs. Texans
Mike McCarthyism Day

Fans are invited to bring signs with their favorite Mike McCarthy sayings on them. "Pad level," "We're nobody's underdog," and "I'm not in the mood for drama tonight, Jason" are just a few examples of the wit and wisdom of Mike McCarthy over the years. The fan with the most obscure Mike McCarthyism will win the opportunity to overrule McCarthy when he calls a dumbass fullback dive or halfback pitch play on a key 3rd and 1 during the game.

Week 14 vs. Seahawks
Big Ass Bonfire Day

To help fans stay warm before, during and after the game, the Packers will be stoking the flames on the world's largest bonfire. The bonfire will be powered not by lighter fluid and trees from Wisconsin state forests, but by items related to the Packers NFC Championship game choke job to the Seahawks at the end of the 2014 season. It's time we rid the world or anything and everything related to that game. Fans are encouraged to bring the clothes they wore during that debacle and throw them in the fire. The television you watched that game on? Toss it in the flames. If you listened to that game on the radio or on your computer, those devices must burn. Ditto University of Wisconsin Russell Wilson jerseys. The Packers have confiscated all game films of that dreadful contest from the NFL and will be burning each and every reel until they are gone forever.

Week 16 vs. Vikings
Hey, nice job, Vikings Day

In a special pregame ceremony, members of the Packers 13 world championship teams will honor the Vikings for winning the NFC North last season. The Vikings are very proud of their divisional title banner. It's only fair that the Packers give the Vikes a pat on the head for their big achievement. Members of the Packers 13 world championship teams will wear their championship and Super Bowl rings during the ceremony. The Packers plan to even let Vikings players and personnel briefly touch one of the Packers' Lombardi trophies at the end of the ceremony. There won't be a dry eye in the house during this special moment!

Packers news, notes and links

  • Jordy Nelson says if there was a game on Sunday, he'd play. Well, what are we waiting for? Let's schedule a damn game so Jordy can play!
  • Newly acquired TE Jared Cook is on the shelf until at least training camp after having foot surgery. Better to take care of the injury now than during the season, I guess. 
  • Tex and Acme Packing Company asks which Packers loss in an NFC title game you would change. The correct answer: all of them.
  • Clay Matthews is back on the edge instead of inside. I still contend Matthews should not be pigeon-holed into one spot. I like it when he moves around -- sometimes inside, sometimes outside, sometimes stunting, sometimes dropping back.
  • Over at Packerstalk.com, Alex writes about Datone Jones' new opportunity as an elephant pass rusher.
  • A slimmer and trimmer Josh Sitton hope shedding a few pounds helps him maintain his a higher level of health during the season.

Non-Packers links and other nonsense

  • Later tonight, I get to see the great Sturgill Simpson play at First Ave. Be jealous.
  • With two kids and a cancer battle going on, I've become completely lost on which movies or TV shows are worth seeing. Thankfully, I recently discovered "The Film Stage" to help keep me in the loop. On the rare occasions I do have time to watch something, their recommendations are legit.
  • Here's a frustrating read on how the ticket industry for concerts and major sporting events really works.
  • Cancer update: Life his hectic in the Czech household. Fighting this damn disease while dealing with the demands of a 2 year old and 1 month old creates some, ahem, unique challenges. Thankfully, the lovely Mrs. Czech is up to the challenge. Me? I'm up to the challenge as well, but sometimes I'm so damn tired I just can't function and crash at 8 p.m.. Round 10 of chemo begins on Thursday. I'll have results from another CT scan later this week.
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Comments (7)

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ray nichkee's picture

June 05, 2016 at 07:34 am

Great read adam, a good way to start the morning. We all want to hear more good news next week.

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Nick Perry's picture

June 05, 2016 at 07:48 am

First things first, good luck with the results from the CT Scan and round 10 of chemo. Keep up the great fight!

I'll take week 3, 13, 14, and two of the week 16. My hope is James Jones catches on with a team, but not before the Packers are sure or have an idea of exactly what they have at WR. Younger isn't always better. No matter what, thanks for 2015 James, and all the years before.

I think week 13 is a little late to be able to overrule McCarthy, by that time he'll have called that "Dumbass fullback dive or halfback pitch" at least 12 times before week 13.

I've already forgotten Russell Wilsons ties to UW. I'll bring my TV to burn. Gives me an excuse to buy a new one.

Vikings fans are SOOOO obnoxious. They won a Divison Title but didn't win a playoff game and act as though they've done "Big Things". I guess when it's been 40 years since your last SB, have never won anything, you have to FIND reasons to stick your chest out. The Vikings are ALMOST as pathetic as the Lions. Almost.

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MarkinMadison's picture

June 05, 2016 at 07:58 am

I assume you have a lot of down time where you're awake but you just need to rest.

I caught the last half of Train Wreck the other night. I had heard such horrible things about it. I thought LeBron was pretty damn funny. Amy is Amy, either you think her brand of crude sex humor is funny or you don't.

I wasn't so thrilled with the remake of Roots. It was like the writers binged on Django Unchained before they finalized the script. I'm thinking the enslaved probably weren't given second chances after punching etc. those who made their lives miserable. Then there is Snoop's take on the whole thing. Probably too depressing.

If you're really bored you can read this. http://cruzbike.com/blog/2016/05/24/keto-cruzbike-and-a-cure-for-cancer/

Good luck this week.

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Community Guy's picture

June 05, 2016 at 09:51 am

thanks for the humorous writing Adam.. it is a real gift.. thinking about your challenges.

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Nick Perry's picture

June 05, 2016 at 10:15 am

It was FUNNY! Adam has that gift to make me laugh, even early on a Sunday Morning.

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Ferrari Driver's picture

June 05, 2016 at 11:27 am

Loved the "kick a few bucks his way" when addressing J.J.

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phillythedane's picture

June 05, 2016 at 01:56 pm

Adam, thanks for the links to other, non-football related articles and websites. Always interesting stuff. Much appreciated.

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