This just in – Packers GM Ted Thompson found alive…
In an amazing development, the NFL has just revealed that a sleeper cell of radical Packer fans successfully pulled off a plot to kidnap Packers GM Ted Thompson before the NFL draft and replace him with a look-alike puppet.
Thompson was found this morning, bruised but otherwise unharmed, in a dumpster outside of a Holiday Inn in nearby Appleton, Wisconsin. Thompson had been drugged and woke up confused in the dumpster. His calls for help attracted the attention of hotel guests, who helped him out of the dumpster and untied him.
Upon being found, Thompson was quoted as asking what had happened in the NFL Draft. When told the Packers had drafted strictly at need positions, he fell to his knees and cried out “no wide receivers”?
Packer fans everywhere suddenly have an explanation for the strange events that took place this weekend. The Green Bay Packers drafted for need with every selection, ignoring the “best player available” mantra they normally espouse.
Yes, now it’s obvious. This was a draft for the fans, by the fans. It’s just not feasible that the real Ted Thompson would have ever drafted this way. No wide receivers? No quarterbacks? No trading down for more picks? Come on.
The extent of this plot is not yet known and we are left with many questions. How many fans were involved? Are other attacks in the works? Who crafted such a perfect look-alike puppet that nobody even noticed it wasn’t the real Ted?
These and other questions are still to be answered. In the meantime, while I don’t advocate or condone such actions, allow me to simply say to these radical Packer fans - “Thank You.”
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