The suck list returns for week eight and won’t disappoint. Expanded for analysis, here are the players, and coaches, that had me yelling, “You suck.”
Once again, for those not familiar with the suck list, here’s the skinny.
There is no statistical analysis, or fancy flow charts to the suck list. A player’s status can change from week to week or month to month. It is arbitrary and uninformed. A simple mental error, or game changing mistake, can shift you from one side to the other. Say something stupid and you might suck before you know it.
The more I yell at my television, the greater the chance of making the list.
This has nothing to do with performance and breakdown, but simply the amount of breath I waste each week screaming, “You suck.”
With that in mind, here is the Week Eight Suck List.
Brett Goode: Doesn’t Suck (Gets the ball to Flynn so Crosby can miss. Solid)
Mason Crobsy: Sucks (I thought we got a guy who could kick it a mile? Not hitting the end zone, not hitting the playing field, and not making field goals. Packer love is strong Mason, but your job is officially on the line.)
Jeremy Kapinos: Sucks (Kapinos went under 45 yards gross, and under 4 seconds hang time. I would call that pretty damn not that good. I can’t remember if it was Kapinos or Crosby, but some leg totally hammered a guy after a long return. Whoever that is sucks a little less.)
Aaron Rodgers: Sucks (You guys like Packnik can sit and bitch about the line all you want. There were plenty of opportunities for Aaron Rodgers to get rid of the ball much, much sooner last weekend. The guy is lights out when he is on, and perhaps play calling had something to do with it, but Aaron needs to dump off the ball. You absolutely CANNOT take a sack on early downs.)
Matt Flynn: Doesn’t Suck (Whatever, it’s Matt Flynn)
Ryan Grant: You Frickin’ Suck (I don’t care if you gained 150 last week against some scrubs. You are not an elite player anymore. You don’t run with fire, you can’t hit the backside cut, and the team has totally abandoned the screen for what I assume is your ineffectiveness in running it. Did you watch the Monday night game with the Saints and the Falcons? Those guys know how to run, and hit the hole with ferocity. Guys like Mike Bell who, “The Packers would never want because is overrated and too expensive for a free agent.” It looks like they just got the name wrong.)
Brandon Jackson: Sucks (Absolutely nothing out of Jackson again, welcome to the third string. At least you won’t get hurt there.)
Ahman Green: Doesn’t Suck (Perhaps the only mildly bright spot of the game was seeing Ahman return kickoffs. Hey Ryan, want to know what it means to appreciate playing in the NFL and giving it your all? See Ahman Green, perhaps your replacement.)
Korey Hall: Sucks (Injuries for more than a week are now auto-sucks.)
John Kuhn: Doesn’t Suck (Kuhn has been making enough plays to keep him off the list for another week. Also, hearing the fans chant Kuuhhn is awesome.)
Quinn Johnson: Doesn’t Suck (I like the way this kid is coming around getting more reps. If you are looking for Quinn info, you need go no further than Jersey Al’s analysis.
Greg Jennings: Doesn’t Suck (Greg is starting to make an impact albeit a small one. However, that catch in the end zone with the interference was nothing short of amazing. Greg Jennings CAN eat just one.
Donald Driver: Doesn’t suck (It looks like DD might be getting a little banged up right now, but he continues to make plays. For some reason Driver didn’t seem like himself this week. He usually is pretty animated, and this week he seemed kind of spaced out. Is there an inner problem that no one is aware of? I’m going to say there is.
James Jones: Doesn’t Suck (I am jumping back on the Jones bandwagon. I don’t know why everyone hates Jones so much. He scored a couple weeks ago, is getting open, and staying healthy. He is the third wideout, and I don’t have a problem with that at all.)
Jordy Nelson: Sucks (Auto-injury suck status)
Jake Allen: Sucks (Sorry Jake, this is where the new guys usually start.)
Donald Lee: Sucks (Donald either isn’t making plays or just is invisible. Therefore, I have to lump him in with the offensive line. We all know where that is headed.
Jermichael Finley: Doesn’t Suck (We really needed Finley last game. Jermichael has officially arrived. What’s up with going to the Steakhouse like five times a week though?)
Spencer Haver: Doesn’t Suck (Thanks to Erik for reminding me. Spencer Havner is not sucking at all. Talk about a guy giving it his all for an opportunity. One of my new favorite guys.)
Scott Wells: Sucks (Wells bitched about not getting a starting role this season. Way to make up for the opportunity.)
Daryn Colledge: Sucks (Although better at guard than at tackle, no one on this line really deserves any kudos right now.)
Jason Spitz: Sucks (We cannot run up the middle. I know it takes Grant like three years to get to your hole, but it’s not working)
T.J. Lang: Doesn’t Suck (I am going to go out on a limb and say T.J. Lang is a player right now. He didn’t shut down Allen, but he played tough and certainly did a better job than the last guy. I like guys with some nastiness to them. T.J. Lang has that intangible.
Allen Barbre: Sucks (Tauscher, Tauscher, Tauscher)
Cullen Jenkins: Sucks (Didn’t make any plays and then bitched about it. You were on a great roll Cullen, come back next week and make up for it.)
Johnny Jolly: Doesn’t Suck (I can hear it already, but sorry Jolly is not making the list. Yes, that penalty is totally uncalled for and possibly cost us more than we will ever know. That being said, Jolly is one of the few guys showing any kind of emotion on a completely emotionless team. I can live with the fire, penalty and all.)
B.J. Raji: Sucks (I don’t think we can say Harrell II yet, but we hardly have an impact player on our hands right now. The injury coupled with the lack of training camp, has really left Raji in a position to most likely not be effective until late this season or even next year.)
Ryan Pickett: Doesn’t suck (Ryan Pickett, although not glamorous, has been playing pretty well. You can’t deny that.)
B.J. Raji: Sucks (See B.J. Raji nosetackle)
Alfred Malone: Sucks (Pick up the phone, it’s the UFL calling.)
Aaron Kampman: Doesn’t Suck (Still not a ton of sacks, but making tackles. Kampman made some very Kampmenesque moves this weekend, and although they never yielded much, Aaron is making plays.
Brady Poppinga: Sucks (Officially replaced and for good reason)
Brandon Chillar: Doesn’t Suck (Too bad about the hand. In light of this development you don’t suck this week. Get back in two weeks or you will be on this list again.)
Nick Barnett: Doesn’t Suck (I know you read this Nick, so let me say nice work lately. You almost forced an interception, your getting to your tackles, and you took out the stupid dreads and went with the fro. I think your comeback is almost official. Thanks for never sending me messages on Twitter anymore. I thought we were tight. You should leave a comment so people know I am not full of shit.)
Desmond Bishop: Doesn’t suck (The jury is still out, and many fans are getting what they asked for. Bishop has played okay in the limited action we have seen. He gets the privilege of starting with non-suck status.)
A.J. Hawk: Doesn’t suck (Hawk made some plays when he was in. He performs in his minimal role. It’s still disappointing,)
Clay Matthews: Doesn’t Suck (This kid has superstar potential. I will go out on a limb and say that this will be the best draft pick since Greg Jennings. Aaron Rodgers not included.)
Charles Woodson: Sucks (For all the bitching and moaning, Charles has been awfully pedestrian lately. Superstars make plays when plays are needed. I didn’t see any of that.)
Al Harris: Doesn’t Suck (Al was quiet, but didn’t draw a flag and had some nice one on one coverages. Al lives to die another week.)
Tramon Williams: Sucks (I think people figured out that Tramon Williams is better than they might have thought. Now that he is truly being tested, he hasn’t risen to the occasion. The guy is good, but saying that he’s big time is still a long way off.)
Nick Collins: Doesn’t Suck (I will reserve a spot for Collins next week, but his number showed up on several occasions. Unfortunately the most notable was his diving attempt to bat down a touchdown pass, but I like the effort.)
Atari Bigby: Sucks (They might like him in the locker room, but I haven’t seen jack on the field. Although he is not getting outright burned, he hasn’t stepped up his game at all. He is the invisible man.)
Jarret Bush: Sucks (I am just putting this here so everything in the world feels right.)
Mike McCarthy: Sucks (We have talked about this all week so far. Your play calling is terrible, your we’ll get it fixed attitude is old and worn out, and you have no idea how to fire up your team. I will go as far as to say you are probably losing some respect in the locker room. You really need to “fix” all of this or the season is gone, and so are you.)
Dom Capers: Sucks (I thought this was dynamic defense with multiple blitz packages on passing downs? I will once again refer to the Monday night game this week. When is the last time you brought seven guys? Let the secondary do their job and start showing some fire. I will give you kudos for putting Kampman on his hands a bit, but the rest is just unacceptable.)
Shawn Slocum: Sucks (Why is no one talking about Slocum right now? I thought this was an upgrade out of the Mike Stock era. Apparently it is just a continuation of the crap we saw last year. Nice try buddy.)
That’s the list for the week. I am sure there is plenty to debate so I will let you folks have at it. With a game against the Buccaneers on the docket, I hope next week is a much quieter Sunday afternoon.
And as always, if a name does not appear on the list, it’s safe to assume…
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