I plan on buying stock in the upcoming Packers stock sale. I am not being duped; I knowingly want to pay $200+ for a piece of paper that calls me an owner. I live in Cincinnati, so the shareholder tickets are nice, but the odds I’ll be able to make that trip year in and year out is low, so not really a selling point to me. I am not buying this expensive piece of paper for any sort of discounts and any flashy extras; I’m buying it for one word, “Owner”.
Apparently this is the dumbest decision I could be planning to make. According to Homer and Thunder on ESPN Milwaukee yesterday it would be like me buying a ticket to a movie and thinking I now own Marcus Theatres. Yeah. Let that sink in. Besides being the world’s lamest analogy, it brings up the semi-valid point made by stock sale haters time and time again. It’s a useless piece of paper. On the show, Homer offered to sell pieces of paper that with the word “owner” on them for the discounted rate of $100. I hear this time and time again, with more frequency now that the Packers stock sale has been approved by the NFL, the people who buy Packers stock are not thinking clearly. If they wanted to donate to the team, why not buy a jersey and get something more tangible in return? While buying stock technically makes you an owner, one of many, it gives you no rights. You can’t vote. You don’t have a say in who gets drafted, and the stock will never increase in value. Who on this planet would buy such a useless thing, especially when a jersey would be worn?
I’ve come to the conclusion that when it comes to the stock sale, you either get it or you don’t. Either you understand that kind of fan mentality or you don’t. The idea of being an actual owner has much more value to me than a jersey that will fade in time. I know they won’t take my advice on coverage routes or who to draft, but even without stock, most fans think they’re GMs anyways, what’s a little piece of paper going to change in that delusion?
The Packers mean the world to me, in kind of an unhealthy-I-might-have-to-seek-mental-help-someday kind of way. Right now we’re in the living together stage of our relationship. We’ve been together a really long time, but nothing’s official. It’s a fan’s marriage license. Will our relationship change when I get that piece of paper? No, but now I can frame the document and hang it on my wall and have a mini-celebration as each year passes.
If this doesn’t make sense to you, well then, I’m sorry for you. But please STHU about how I’m being duped or whatever. I get it. Most of us get it. I doubt anyone who buys stock is going to show up at Murphy’s office the next day with a pad of paper and a list of ideas. Homer and Thunder and all the other stock haters, you’re the ones who don’t get it. And you can keep calling me names and likening this sale to someone claiming false ownership to a privately own movie theatre company, but trust me, despite your objections, my stock and I will be very happy together.