The Halloween celebration continues at packerslounge.com with this look at horror villains and what Packers players remind me of them.
Jigsaw – Aaron Rodgers: I want to play a game…and it’s called slicing and dicing your defense with ease! Rodgers is cold, calculated, and sees things down the road. He has it all planned out – just like Jigsaw! And like the jigsaw killer, Aaron shows opposing defenses the meaning of life. Life is more than just football, don’t worry about it. You’ll do fine as a car salesman when you get cut after getting beat for 3 TDs by a first year starter.
Jason Voorhees – Charles Woodson: You just can’t stop this guy! You can try. Even with a broken foot, Charles Woodson is coming after you relentlessly! And just when you thought he was done for, he re surges better than ever! Woodson’s career was thought to be over, but then had a rebirth when he joined the Packers! Jason is having a rebirth himself with the new remake of Friday the 13th. Odds are Woodson’s will be more impressive.
Michael Myers – KGB: Dumb and slow. Sorry, I couldn’t resist. What should be the coolest character is a letdown, just like KGB. How big of a disappointment has KGB been? He’s lost almost all of his abilities and it’s just sad. It reminds me of Halloween. The movie starts with the killer escaping from the insane asylum and you knew things were going down! Or not. It was a lot of walking, a lot of girl talking, and a lot of heavy breathing, although I did like that. I suggest you check out rifftrax.com’s commentary on this film to realize this classic…kinda sucks, just like fan favorite KGB.
Jack Torrance – Mike McCarthy: He seems normal, an everyday guy, an average Joe, if you will, but then he SNAPS! Suddenly he’s chasing people with axes! I hear McCarthy does this to Jarrett Bush on a regular basis, which is one of the reasons Bush is so fast. McCarthy is always calm in his press conferences but on Sundays, you can see he’s just a different person. He’s in head coach mode and he means business. All work and no play makes Mike McCarthy yell at Jarrett Bush.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – Ryan Grant: This one is pretty obvious. You never know which one you’re going to get on Sundays. Will you get the one that shows flashes of a hall of fame career or the one who bumps into his own linemen and falls on his butt? Grant just got a huge contract extension and this is what we get? This mediocrity? I just wish he would pick one. Be crappy or be awesome so we know and can move on with another running back. Figure it out, Ryan!
Jaws – Aaron Kampman: Aaron is hungry and he wants some blood! Is that some blood on your elbow, Mr. QB? UH-OH! Better start running now! Just when you thought it was safe to go on the football field. Kampman reminds me of the atmosphere in Jaws. On the surface there’s no problem. Kampman is a small defensive end – nothing to worry about. But there’s just something there that worries you. You KNOW eventually something bad is going to happen from that guy. Kampman needs to start humming the Jaws theme on the defensive line. That would amuse me.
Freddy Krueger – Greg Jennings: The man who gives defenses nightmares. But don’t go to sleep! He’s in there too, and you have to re-live what he did to you over and over again! He’ll haunt you in your dreams and in real life like Freddy Krueger. Freddy is known for the long blades on his glove and that reminds me of Greg’s powerful hands. It just seems like some part of his body has to be gimmicked up to be as great as he is. Also, they both have great fashion sense.
I’m sure I missed some obvious ones, so go ahead and tell me what they are!
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