The next month will be stressful for Packers‘ fans and some might be wondering how to deal with it all. I’ve got your back.
I had to start this off the right way. There is no better way to deal with life’s problems than alcohol. The best part is there are no drawbacks! Scientists have tried, but they can’t find one problem with drinking very large amounts of alcohol. So if the Packers troubles are bothering you, open that bottle of Jack you’ve had for two years for some reason, and start handling your problems like a man.
9. Visit a homeless shelter
Go to a homeless shelter and relish in the fact that while the Packers are struggling, at least you aren’t homeless. Maybe even help them or something. Who knows, maybe you’ll meet one of those crazy kickass Vietnam veterans who go on awesome rants.
This is actually supposed to be a legit treatment of stress (for sissies). I know I want to cry every time our special teams takes the field.
7. Pretend it’s a dream
Enjoy it all. Laugh off the bad plays. After all, it’s just a dream! Right? RIGHT!?!!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT WE LOST AND WE’RE OUT OF THE PLAYOFFS!?!
6. Listen to the Podcasts
When your mind is on the verge of exploding and you have no answers to anything, listen to the packerslounge.com podcast, because I DO have all the answers.
5. Stress Balls
You’ve seen these things. Those little plush balls with the smiley face. If things are freaking you out, just squeeze the hell out of it. If you don’t have one, I suggest finding a Bears fan and making due.
Remember, if things get tough, just squeeze something (not yourself) and breathe deep, which brings me to #4.
Some people forget to do this. It’s called hyperventilation. These people are weird because they are different than I am. This is important though. None of the Packers problems will mean much if you forget to breath. Try to remember this one.
No, I’m not talking about the Coors Light commercials with the awesome vent system, I actually mean vent. Let it out. This is one of the reasons packerslounge.com has comments sections and the chatbox on the main page. The world needs to know how much you hate Daryn Colledge. Don’t deny them.
2. Hit someone\something
I’m not talking about beating your spouse, or kicking your dog Gary (Alex, shame on you). Find a pillow and beat it down. Find a wall and put a nice fist print through that bad boy. Someone has to pay for this disappointing season, and since you can’t get our hands on Mike Stock or Jarrett Bush, it might as well be someone or something within twenty feet of you. They had it coming anyway.
Again, when in doubt, drink yourself into oblivion. This asks the age old question: Did the Packers really lose if you can’t remember it?
I hope this helps you in the upcoming weeks. If I forgot something, put it in the comments section below. Later, time to get drunk.
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