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Drinking Games: Needs a Chaser

Drinking Games: Needs a Chaser

When I decided to move from Milwaukee to San Francisco, my friends threw me a great going away party at one of our favorite local establishments, Judges. Upon arriving at the party (and its important here to note that we did enjoy much wine and food at Buca’s before the bar) my friends presented me with a shot. Was either Jamo or Patron (for some reason the details are fuzzy…). Ready for the fun, I downed it quickly. It was immediately refilled. Hit repeat. Friends urged our bartender friend to immediately refill my glass and he obliged. As soon as that tiny glass was full, I politely excused myself went to the bathroom and immediately threw up the previous shot. Unfazed, and still ready for my party, I returned to the bar…bottoms up.

While, like a true champ, I rocked that party out, but perhaps I should have come down of my high horse and taken a moment to enjoy a chaser.

Sometimes that all important pause and cleaning of the palette can be the difference between meeting a toilet in a public restroom and…well, pretty much everything is better than that.

I’d like to share this lesson with the following people: BF, Finley, and well, the entire state of Wisconsin.

  1. BF. Now, I’ve read Deanna’s book. I know you have spent sometime of your own throwing up in public restrooms; it’s not a lot of fun. Normally you find yourself in these situations when you either act before you think or when you feed into your indulgences. You’ve sought medical/professional help to stop doing this, but at your core, you can’t, you don’t. So I know that my words will fall on deaf ears, but seriously just stop. Stop talking, until you find your non-alcoholic chaser that will give you some clarity, just sit there, mow your lawn, and call some random Southern Miss games. Did you mean harm by what you said? I don’t think so. But did you mean anything good? Nope. So until you can mean either one with full conviction, I’ll see you on your John Deere.
  2. Mr. Finley. Or should I simply call you Our Playmaker?? Talented beyond words, much like me and my ability to take Jamo shots without a chaser, but every now and then a word or two comes through, and we’re all wishing they wouldn’t. JerMike thinks the Packers need to work him into the offense more. If he’s double teamed, scheme a way out of that. Now, I want him to think that way. I want him to see a double team and know that he can take it on and make a play. Cockiness is sometimes necessary to get the job done. But let’s clear some things up. 1. The Packers won, easily. Had the Packers fallen to the lowly Broncos and the offense was unable to find a way to Finley the ball, then perhaps suggesting that the offense needs to figure out how to get him the ball would have been slightly more appropriate. But the team won. The team won big. Finley played a key role in that. With his catches and as a decoy. Back in the awful NCAA National Championship game that USC lost to Texas (although don’t tell the NCAA that USC was in that game), on a key fourth down play Reggie Bush was on the sideline. That was one of the biggest facepalms in my life. I don’t care if his job on the field would have been to stand in the end zone and wave at people, he would have been double teamed. JerMike, sometimes we need you to simply stand on the field and wave. If you’re double teamed, someone else isn’t. If the Packers are making it work, well then, suck it up and wave. Also, let’s talk some simple semantics here: “not to be selfish or nothing.” That sir is a double negative and in essence you are saying that you are being selfish. Also, you are not ‘our playmaker’ (quote “so you can get your playmaker the ball.”) Aaron Rodgers is the playmaker. That’s about it. The rest of y’all are good. Great, even. You all are playmakers. After Rodgers, there isn’t just one. There isn’t one above the rest. So, not to be offensive or nothing, but go find yourself something to wash that quote down with, take a beat and realize your team is undefeated.
  3. “Oh my G-d, Capers sucks. This is why he’s not a head coach!” (And yes, someone – more than one person – actually did say this; I’m speaking to only these drunk people here). Okay, so our defense has some issues. Those issues being lack of pass rush, continuing to give up “the big play” and the inability to give people a peace of mind when our offense is on the sideline. Noting that is a’ok. This was a team that pressured with the best of them. This was a team whose defense sealed games. Watching that part of the team play less than perfect, and at times down right JV, is frustrating. It upsets me. But let’s pump the brakes on the whole Capers sucks stuff. Let’s all take a beat and breathe. The Packers are plus 6 in the turnover margin. They allow a lot of yards, but are middle of the road in points allowed. Is it comparable to last year? No. Is there room to improve? Yes. Are certain players not playing up to the potential that we expect? Yes. (And sadly, I do admit that I’m talking about more than one person here, and the two people you are thinking of might not be the same two I’m thinking of). But it is not just the offense that is 4-0; the defense is as well. So before our stomachs find themselves too full with straight booze, let’s find a chaser, and chill it out. There’s room to improve, but the world is not over.

So if you find yourself, or anyone you know, this weekend, enjoying what surely will be a Brewers victory and the trumping of the Falcons and realize that you might have gone a little too far, chug a glass of water and breathe, don’t get a hangover and don’t throw up in a dive bar’s bathroom.

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ד"ר נתן שטיירמן's picture

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