Enter Chris Harris of the Chicago Bears.

As you may have heard, my father is a HUGE Chicago Bear’s fan. Raised in Chicago, he’s spent the last 40 years in central Wisconsin never turning down a friendly bet against the Packers. Not even once.

As you may also know from my writing, the last few decades have not produced the father-son relationship most would hope for. As the years pass, things inevitably get better, but this year I really wanted to do something special for Dad’s birthday. Although I despise the whole tweet me Happy Birthday thing, I thought if I could find a Chicago Bear to call my father and thank him for fighting the good fight, that would mean quite a bit to him.

I contacted Chris Harris on Twitter and asked him for a follow so I could send him a message. He did, and through the course of our conversation he knew full well I was a HUGE Packers fan, asking a favor of a Bear’s fan, who had no obligation to me whatsoever.

Chris Harris didn’t hesitate in saying yes.

He called my Dad this morning and Dad was so shocked that he couldn’t even figure out who it was at first. They spent a few minutes talking about the season, got some congrats in, and had what I understand was more than just a vanilla conversation. It made Dad’s day, probably his year.

Personally, I have never understood the hate that transpires between fans at games. No matter how hardcore I am, or the opposing fan next to me, I have never once considered being vile, threatening, or derogatory to any of them. In addition, I will never understand those that are.

I hope Packer fans, and all fans for that matter, take a good look at what the Chicago Bear’s Chris Harris did for this die-hard Packer fan today.

Although I will always hope the Packers take down the Bears on the field, off the field I will try harder to respect the fans and players as the human beings that they are.

Like Chris Harris did.

Some Bears don’t suck. I said it, and I mean it.

Thanks.

When you’re 21-years-old you really expect the worse when it comes down to finding any job, and currently spending my life in Merrill, Wisconsin, didn’t make it any easier. Regardless, I finally found an ad in the paper the fit my skill-set and I applied.

I got the job.

You start tomorrow.

As the disc jockey at the strip club.

Yes, you heard me correctly. Girls, with little to no clothes, dancing on poles while doing unspeakable things to their body for money.

Um, okay you talked me into it.

Like I said, I had never been in or ever had a desire to be in a strip club before. Corralling concubines had never been a real problem of mine, I hadn’t known anyone who had gotten married, and quite simply it was not high on my things I must see in the near future list. But there I was, in “the booth” with absolutely no clue on what was about to transpire. The “proprietor” was a big man in his fifties named Mack. I could go on with a tirade of adjectives, but to save time just imagine what the stereotypical owner of a sleaze saloon might look like and I guarantee you’ll be pretty close. He gave me about a thirty minute overview of my duties.

Then the naked girls came.

Now by no stretch of the imagination were naked girls new to me. However, naked girls just standing there talking to me while other naked girls poked and prodded every inch of my personal space was an entirely different story. In fact, it was downright uncomfortable. I mean seriously, how can you not look? It was extremely hard to keep focused; I equate it to winning the lottery after taking a work boot to the nuts, full force.

Hurray!

For the most part it was a sink or swim situation. I was good in “the booth” and this time would be no different. Most notably because of the hot, (well most of the time) naked women roaming around everywhere, this club, from a disc jockey’s standpoint anyway, was a little non-traditional. I was more of a glorified MC than anything else; dancers are very particular about what they want to dance to. Although they gave me some leeway eventually, at first they pretty much determined their own set lists and my job was to talk them up as much as possible. You learn quickly not to argue with a dancer. It is a super bad idea.

So talk them up I did.

They must have been awfully surprised that first night. Since I had never been in this situation before, I was also naïve to the often degrading phrases used by the majority of strip club jocks. I am sure they expected to hear something like…

“Gentleman, put your hands together for the rack with the back, and the bod that treats the rod. Please welcome to the stage Miss Brandy Boom Boom and her Triple F treasure chest. Get your wallet out guys; she’s working hard up here to keep you hard down there.”

Instead, I introduced them with a little class. Except for one isolated spray painting incident, if there is one thing I am not, it is disrespectful to women, and this instance was no different. I talked about how beautiful they were, how well they danced, and how their smile lit up the darkness. They raked it in that first night. They loved the new baby faced blued eyed DJ.

Then the real fun began.

The list of girls that became a part of life that winter is long and clouded. Girls with names like Dakota, and Torii, Amy and Sweet Pea, Miss Kitty and Mercedes revolved the door on a weekly basis, each girl with a different act, a different personality, and a different story to tell. I can’t count the number of times I have received a rogue lap dance when I least expected it. They loved having me around and I loved having them. Dancers are a breed of their own; there are a few bad apples as there are anywhere else. But on the whole, most of them are intelligent, hard working, and in my personal opinion usually quite lonely. I feel comfortable making that last statement as I have spent many an hour talking with dancers one on one. So much so, that three of the girls were so delighted they eventually took me with them on there summer tour as their personal disc jockey.

I am not worthy.

Now if you’re expecting an orgy story with assorted objects and other substances I will apologize in advance. Although surreal in every aspect, it was one of the most enjoyable vacations I have ever taken. These three girls treated me like a prince. They paid for everything. The paid for my hotel, my meals, my travel, and even forced me to go shopping so they could buy me the appropriate outfits. In turn, I talked them up from club to club in what turned out to be a stream of money the likes of which I had never seen before. These girls were pros and it showed.

I have the fondest memories of these three women. It was an unforgettable experience and although it wasn’t a scene from Caligula, for historical purposes, I will mention that they never wore a thing in the hotel.

Except a smile.

2011

Thursday, Sept. 8, New Orleans, 7:30

Sunday, Sept. 18, at Carolina, noon.

Sunday, Sept. 25, at Chicago, 3:15.

Sunday, Oct. 2, Denver, 3:15.

Sunday, Oct. 9, at Atlanta, 7:20.

Sunday, Oct. 16, St. Louis, noon.

Sunday, Oct. 23, at Minnesota, 3:15.

Oct. 30, BYE

Sunday, Nov. 6, at San Diego, 3:15.

Monday, Nov. 14, Minnesota, 7:30.

Sunday, Nov. 20, Tampa Bay, noon.

Thursday, Nov. 24, at Detroit, 11:30 a.m.

Sunday, Dec. 4, at NY Giants, 3:15.

Sunday, Dec. 11, Oakland, noon.

Sunday, Dec. 18, at Kansas City, noon.

Sunday, Dec. 25, Chicago, 7:20 p.m.

Sunday, Jan. 1, Detroit, noon.

This entire conversation, from my point of view anyway, has to start with Brandon Jackson. You would think the Packers would want to keep him around, especially in pass protection for their one bad hit away franchise in Aaron Rodgers. That said, if the Packers do end up snagging a running back, especially one who can pass block, you really end up with a log jam at the position.

What do I think should happen?

I think the Packers should keep Brandon Jackson AND draft a third down back. There is no reason you can’t carry four running backs. I’ll get a step further and say that the Packers will roll with only one FB in Kuhn on the roster. With Crabtree showing prowess in the backfield, there is no reason to keep another fullback. This spells the end for Quinn Johnson, but I don’t think that would surprise anyone.

With these four running backs and Kuhn, you have both depth and the ability to do most anything in any situation. This of course begs the question who will be lining up on first down?

What do I think will happen?

I think when and if there is a camp, McCarthy stays true to his word and gives Starks the starting role over Grant. I don’t see why Starks shouldn’t get the job, he finished strong in that position. You aren’t supposed to lose your job to injury, but perhaps McCarthy figures it’s time to have a little competition at what has been a one trick pony for too many years now.

This isn’t a cut on Ryan Grant either. It’s going to be a battle between those two all camp long if both guys stay healthy. If they do stay healthy, I think you get a solid dose of both Starks and Grant on first down. With those guys splitting the reps much like Marion Barber and Felix Jones were doing. Jackson will play the role of third back, in passing situations, and in short distance, you could see even see a combo of Grant and Starks in the backfield, leading to longer (and less gut wrenching) plays than the usual third and Kuhn, much like the Giants do with Jacobs and Bradshaw.

Either way, it’s a nice problem to have while you’re also grooming your newest draft pick.

Who gets the long term job?

Of course injuries always play a part, but if everyone stays healthy, the long term starter at running back is going to be determined by one thing, and one thing only. Hanging on to the ball. I don’t know exactly how many games or carries it has been, but a Packer running back hasn’t given up a fumble in quite some time. The first guy that drops a few, is going to find himself off the depth chart in a hurry. We all know McCarthy doesn’t like it, and with a stash of nice backs he won’t hesitate to pull the trigger.

Best case scenario?

Everyone stays healthy all year long, and is able to keep their ego’s in check and work together as a three to four headed monster. A little competition is okay, but the first guy that starts whining isn’t going to get any sympathy from me. The Packer’s haven’t had this kind of diversity in the backfield in quite some time, and complimenting a deadly passing attack, it’s going to be a formidable if not dominant machine.

Like I said, it’s a great problem to have.

There are tons of draft sites out there, but rest assured, this is the only mock you really need.

Packers Mock Draft – 2011

Round One

Ted Thompson takes his time on this one but eventually pulls the trigger on a Division 1 college guy. Perfect for the position and a great steal at 32, Packer fans instantly anoint him the next Clay Matthews, Gilbert Brown, Greg Jennings, Reggie White, or Mike Wahle. The newest Packer watches his twitter followers jump by the thousands, and is excited to play for such a “storied franchise, which without the help of God he could have never done.”

Over 1000 people instantly make his college picture their avatar.

Round Two

Thompson finally delivers what the fans have always wanted by drafting a fast black guy. Packer people all the way, this kid can really fly and instantly solves all the problems at kick returner, punt returner, 3rd down back, and wildcat formations. This kid is really fast, and could have been a big time name if he hadn’t had to struggle to get out of some shady living conditions back home. Packer nation is thrilled.

Aaron Nagler immediately assaults the pick as a bad deal for the Packers. He gets over 100 comments on the post and is very happy.

Round Three

The Packers are thrilled to pick up the big fat white guy in the third round. A potential first-rounder on some boards, an injury and poor performance at the combine really made his stock fall. Already set with starters, the Packers can afford to take a risk on this behemoth, and are willing to gamble that he will be ready by week six.

The big fat guy’s facebook page goes nuts, willed with well wishes from Packer fans hoping he “gets well soon because we need you this season.”

Cheesehead TV immediately invites him to appear on Packer Transplants. He says yes, but doesn’t call.

Round Four

Ted finally does what all Packer fans have been waiting for and selects a guy no one on the planet has ever heard of. Fans rush to youtube only to find one small clip of the newest Packer.

That’s all it takes though. This one play is certainly enough to warrant unfettered adoration by fans around the globe. The highlight makes every single Packer blog.

Someone also reports seeing Quinn Johnson and James Starks smiling.

Round Four

It is a little known fact that Ted Thompson doesn’t give much weight to the whole Packer people philosophy. This in mind he pulls the trigger on been in trouble a lot but have quite a bit of talent guy. The kid is nothing but trouble, but Packer fans hold forever optimistic. Perhaps Green Bay is exactly what this kid needs right now. It will be a long shot for this guy to make the roster, but he’s definitely worth the risk.

Jason Wilde goes on air saying that the kid has a good heart, and he hopes the kid can turn it around. Then he gives a bum his car.

Round Four (compensatory pick)

Ted Thompson shows his dedication by taking the guy from the small school that another Packer played for guy. The star of the University of Central Alcorn – Bethune campus, was voted the best player in the division. The fact that he went to the same school as Greg Donald Collins assures he will be a great player.

Round Five

As happens most of the time, the Packers take this pick and select the guy you hear about for the next week and then only hear from at the end of the year or on another team guy. This is the guy that for some reason no one really cares about and really never makes an impact. He later gets traded to another team and Packer fans think they got a great deal in the end. He doesn’t pan out on the other team and Ted Thompson is lauded.

Round Six

It’s an easy decision for Ted when the he’s got ability but is super raw guy is available this late in the round. A physical specimen, there is no way the Packers could take a pass. He’s a project for sure, but with the success of similar players like Breno Giacomini and Allen Barbre, it’s really a no-brainer.

Round Seven (from Carolina)

While only the die-hards are still paying attention, Ted Thompson grabs the next Matt Flynn guy. Shortly thereafter the Tom Brady and Donald Driver talk begins. Somehow, the whole discussions ends up at Brett Favre not being a first round pick.

He becomes the newest rookie to appear on Packer Transplants.

Round Seven

Nearly irrelevant, the Packers draft the I’m on the bottom of the depth chart at a stacked position but hopefully I can get some reps in camp and make the practice squad guy. The entire world knows this guy doesn’t stand a chance of making the 53 unless half the team goes down with injury. However, he talks to people on Twitter and forms a large cult following.

Post-Draft

Packer fans flood the internet with analysis of the latest draft despite the fact that none of these guys have ever taken a single NFL snap. Three to four current Packers lose their jobs in the minds of fans before training camp even starts. Mock draft analysis’ also come out. Every single one was wrong.

You may notice Lee’s last post asking if any single women would like to chat.

Here is the result of one of those conversations, sent to me by a 33-year-old female who wishes to remain anonymous.

Creepy as it is, I can’t quit laughing. Perhaps the competition for hoes has heated up.

May the best creep win.

Of course, most will think I’m overreacting to a harmless prank, but these fake accounts are an elaborate scheme, concocted by perhaps one or two vigilant frauds. And, given the right circumstances could be dangerous for both adults and children everywhere.

Take Pat Lee’s post from last evening:

Besides just being downright wrong, what happens on the back end of these conversations? What happens when a casual meeting is suggested? These are all huge red flags to me.

After investigating this thoroughly and observing the past couple of weeks, my deduction is that these fans are then asked to chat much in the same nature that Jason Spitz talks to his fan base.

Of course, chatting leaves no trail to follow like a wall does, so who only knows what is happening behind the scenes? What I do know is in many cases these willing fans are women and minors, and how long is it going to be before someone is seriously hurt by one of these guys?

Even with all the carefully crafted back and forth between this group of players, it’s pretty easy to spot a fake a account if you take a minute to look around.

Look for personal photo’s that could only have been taken by family. Many players just have googled pictures, or in the case of Jordy Nelson, a profile picture straight from CHTV. Now I’d like to think that Jordy is hanging out around here all of the time, but let’s get serious. The only way to get the picture is to pull it from here. That’s all I need to know.

A player requesting your friendship. I highly doubt any Packer is going to be requesting you as a friend, much like Pat Lee asked Brian Carriveau. If a Superbowl Champion, that doesn’t know you wants to be your friend, it’s most likely too good to be true.

Watch the back and forth. Many times you will catch these guys using phraseology inconsistently. At one point they are talking ghetto, and the next minute they are grammatically perfect. Check to make sure the same guy sounds like the same guy all of the time.

The bottom line on all of this is that it could be starting to get dicey for both players and fans. Inappropriate things are being said under the guise of fame, and this can do nothing but hurt the real player involved. For the naive young fan, the matter could turn into something far worse than an innocent comment.

I strongly encourage both current players and fans to let their favorite Packers know how they are being exploited virtually.

Here is a list of real and fake accounts that I can identify.

Real

Tom Crabtree

B.J.Raji

Cullen Jenkins

Tramon Williams

Gilbert Brown

Ryan Grant

Dorsey Levens

Greg Jennings

Donald Driver (Facebook Page – Athlete)

T.J. Lang

Atari Bigby

James Jones (athlete page)

Clay Matthews

Nick Barnett (athlete)

EDIT: Josh Sitton (thanks to the many Packer fans for confirming this)

Fake

Pat Lee

Jason Spitz

Scott Wells

Jordy Nelson

Bryan Bulaga

Please let me know if I have forgotten anyone, accused someone wrongly, or you strongly expect a another fake out there.

Someone call Aaron Rodgers, he’ll take care of it.

]]> http://cheeseheadtv.com/eat_more_cheese/fake-packers-on-facebook-dangerous-situation/feed/ 34 http://cheeseheadtv.com/eat_more_cheese/when-im-hundred/ http://cheeseheadtv.com/eat_more_cheese/when-im-hundred/#comments Mon, 21 Mar 2011 17:24:16 +0000 Alex http://cheeseheadtv.com/lounge/?p=15023 When I’m a hundred, and god willing that happens, I’m going to pull out this dusty cedar chest I have and grab a special little yellow football that resides next to all my special memories and photographs that fill it brim full.

I’m going to gather all the young members of the family, be they grandchildren, nieces, or nephews, in the spring, and take them out to the largest patch of grass I can find. There, from the confines of my wheel chair I will throw this little yellow sphere as far as I can while the innocence of the day chases after it with an exuberance now reserved for only the youngest of the young.

When I’m a hundred.

When I’m a hundred the children and I will play all day long, seeing who can throw the farthest, run the fastest, and laugh the loudest.

I will teach them keep-away and tag, always leaving me as it when it’s time to move on to the next game. We will show our competitive spirit, yet dismiss the idea of a podium when we are done.

When I’m a hundred.

When I’m a hundred that little yellow football will be the star of that night’s bedtime story. It will tell a tale of a time when young men and women strove to better themselves through sport. When youngsters went outside on the weekend to gather with their peers in a friendly game of horse or two-hand touch.

They will not understand of course, but I’ll try and explain it to them anyway.

I’ll try to explain that at one time kids like them could to large Universities to play the games they loved and reach their full potential.

When I’m a hundred.

I’ll try to explain that once-upon-a-time thousands of people gathered at outdoor fields across the world to watch these athletes in action. These people would celebrate together and often define themselves not only by the color of their skin but also the color of their t-shirts. I’ll tell them that men and women fought furious battles on these fields, only to shake the hands of their opponent when the scrum was over. I’ll try to make them see them how great it was.

When I’m a hundred.

When I’m a hundred they’ll most certainly have questions. They’ll want to know what it was like to sit outside and watch these contests. They’ll want to know why all the people were replaced with machines.

They’ll want to know what a Brat is.

When I’m a hundred.

I’ll do my best to take their questions, realizing full well that I don’t know the answers myself. Why can’t I grow up to play sports? Why did it all go away?

Greed and money and stubbornness I’ll say.

When I’m a hundred.

As the light goes out for the night, their eyes will be filled with dreams and mystery at the end of this spring day.

My eyes will undoubtedly tear up as I drift off the sleep with the memory of a time long gone.

When I’m a hundred.

I sent a short letter and a copy of the story to President Clinton, a good friend of the family, and shared my experience of the memory.

Today I received this:

Like I said, I don’t make these up, and may the doubters and fact finders forever now be silenced.

Long live the Dems!

You know who has a dangerous job? Coal miners. So, the whole lot of you can go to hell as far as I’m concerned.

I have no sides to stand on, but I do take great offense in the NFLPA asking the college draftees not to attend the NFL draft in April. Disgusting.

How long have these kids worked for this? Some of them for probably a decade or more. Now, you’re asking them to boycott perhaps the biggest moment of their lives? That is just absolutely wrong.

It’s like asking the valedictorian to skip graduation because the kids that want a smoking section disagree with the principal. It’s absolutely ludicrous.

Millions of kids, and many adults too, dream of a moment when they may be one of the lucky few to stand up on that stage and hold up a jersey that represents a culmination of life long dedication. Asking someone to give that up because you’re having a tempter tantrum makes me lose complete faith in your true intentions.

You should be ashamed.

“You have to import chicks to Green Bay.”

“I don’t need groupies. I’m the one that’s choosing.”

“I want to give out a shout to all of them (strippers).”

“I like women.”

“I love Strokers.”

“I read books.”

EDIT: This video was removed by the poster, but the discussion below is quite interesting. Also, here are some clips for the original video, and the hip-hop song that followed.

Why?

Because there is absolutely nothing to complain about. Whether it’s the 2011 free-agents coming or going, or the NFL draft in April, no matter what transpires, Packer fans can’t say a single word.

Myself included. Let’s take a look.

Quarterbacks

The Packers are obviously set at starting quarterback. I don’t think we can debate that anymore. It’s possible, although I think unlikely, that the Packers move Matt Flynn; but regardless, knowing Ted Thompson, the value will be off the charts. If so, the backers have a developmental guy in Harrell, and there are plenty of 1-2 game veterans available if needed. If a value guy like Flynn falls in Ted’s lap in the draft, don’t be surprised to a see a third guy in camp.

Move along now, nothing to see here.

Running Backs

Ryan Grant. It sounds nice to say doesn’t it. I’ll be pretty happy when I see that he is truly healed and ready to go. He’s the starter, and even with James “Walter Payton” Starks, that’s not going to change if Grant is healthy.

This leaves Brandon Jackson as the odd man out, and coming off a Superbowl, he knows this is his best chance to get a nice payday. I’d like to see Jackson stay, his backfield blocking was invaluable to this year’s Superbowl run. However, I can’t see a Rosenhaus guy sticking around for what looks like a limited role at best. If I had to guess, I would say Brandon Jackson is not a Packer next year and is replaced by a similar back in the draft with that same kind of pass protection notability.

Not a hole is sight. See what I did there?

Fullbacks

John Kuhn will be a Packer and the starting fullback. If you’re John Kuhn, you know you’re not “John Kuuuhn” anywhere else but in Green Bay. Kuhn is sticking around.

I imagine Korey Hall will be gone, and that Quinn Johnson may just be the odd man in at this point, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the Packers only keep one fullback this season either. Quinn Johnson has shown he is not the answer, and with the emergence of James Starks, you could see the Packers start implementing a Starks and Grant combo package much like the Giants do with Brandon Jacobs. Not to mention the success of the tight ends in the backfield last season.

Ultimately, Quinn Johnson’s fate may be in the hands of Andrew Quarless, but I think the Packers keep two fullbacks and three tight ends.

Not a bad problem to have.

Tight Ends

Oh Jermichael Finley, how nice it will be to have you terrorizing the field instead of terrorizing Twitter. Besides getting himself a copy of “How to Come Up with a Decent Acronym” Finley doesn’t have to do a whole lot but stay healthy. It will be nice to have a superstar in the making back on the field.

The Packers next best tight end is hands down Tom Crabtree. The guy is an absolute beast. No, he’s not like Finley and that is exactly what the Packers need. The Packers needs a second tight end that can block at the line and in the back field. Tom Crabtree is that dude. On top of that he plays special teams like a man possessed. Number two tight end all-day. End of discussion.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Quarless too, and I think he has a spot on the roster. He will need to make great strides in 2011 though.

See you later Donald Lee. No complaints from me.

Wide Receivers

We all know that Greg Jennings could play all five wide receiver positions simultaneously, but unfortunately the league requires that you have 11 men on the field. Either way, number one is locked down for a long time to come. The big change, if any this season, will be the crowning of the starting number two.

I’ve said that Donald Driver will start playing a reduced role in the offense, and you saw shades of it last season. Much in the same fashion as you saw Isaac Bruce and Torry Holt fade, I think Driver inevitably goes along the same path. Donald Driver needs to go out the same way he came in… humble. He has a great opportunity to play a huge part in 2011 as a role player both on and off the field. If I know anything about Donald Driver, he’ll do just that.

This leaves us with the never ending question of Jordy Nelson or James Jones at number two. I’ll answer it for you. James Jones will be a Packer and the number two guy next season. Packer fans are riding James Jones way harder than the Packers are. James Jones is good, period. He had some drops no doubt. So did everyone else. Have you caught a ball from Aaron Rodgers lately? That’s what I thought.

Now mind you, I don’t want to take anything away from our Superbowl MVP either. He did a great job, doing what he does best at the number three slot. Like I said before the playoffs (and was bemoaned by Aaron Nagler) I thought the Packers would use Jordy much like they used Finley. With Quarless not filling the void left by Jermichael, the Packers turned to Jordy to run over the middle. It’s something Nelson has always done well, and I expect that to remain his role through 2011.

Jordy would be a fine number two receiver.

Just not if you also have James Jones and Greg Jennings.

You’ll see a receiver in this draft. Mark it down. The question is whether he can fight off Brett Swain.

Wide Receivers: Check.

Center

If you remember, I was really rooting for the Packers to take Pouncey at center last season. Perhaps I was a year premature, and Scott Wells knocked it out of the park this season, but the Packers still have to start thinking about addressing the future of the center position.

You can re-sign Spitz as some insurance, buy I don’t think he’s the long term answer. I expect the Packers to draft a solid pure center at some point. With one year left on Wells’ deal, it’s the perfect time to get a guy that has a year to learn.

Again, no one can complain about Wells. I like it.

Guard

I don’t really care if Daryn Colledge stays or goes, but if he does, I think the Packers have it covered. I think they re-sign Spitz, but don’t be surprised to see McDonald come out of nowhere and dominate at guard in training camp. The Packers really like him if he can move along quickly. Of course, the Packers will take a guard somewhere a long the way. However, will he be a factor, or even need to be?

Probably not. Cross that off the list.

Tackle

Chad Clifton back. Bryan Bulaga back. Two things I really like to hear right now. Another thing I would really like to hear is the Packers picking up another tackle somewhere along the way. T.J. Lang is definitely serviceable, but unless Tauscher comes back as a healthy substitute, the Packers need one more guy at the position.

I think this will be the biggest grumble you hear from Packer fans until after the draft.

Offensive Needs

Center

Running back

Guard

Tackle

Receiver/KR

Like I said, kind of boring and uneventful to say the least. How will Packer fans deal with not being able to bemoan every single offensive move made in the 2011 off-season? More importantly how will I survive?

I can’t think of a time when the Packers looked better on offense going into a season than they do right now. I hope the average Packer fan realizes that.

I’ll take a look at the defense next week.

I needed him, because I am lazy and don’t care about the draft.

I don’t like the draft, I don’t care about mock drafts, and when draft day rolls finally rolls around I’ll start paying attention again.

John likes that other stuff.

In addition, ever since I lost the pants in my relationship with Jayme during the Superbowl, I don’t know if she is going to do anything either, outside of doing whatever she wants. So, it will be nice to have someone picking up the slack around here since everyone knows that slacking is what we do best Monday thru Saturday.

I know I will get in many blog wars with John, but perhaps that is for the best.

As soon as I teach him the thing, he’ll be off and running in a couple of weeks.

Welcome him to The Lounge.

That’s about as red carpet as I get.

I thought I would end my 2010 football season in much the same fashion I ended 2009. It seems like forever since we’ve talked. You were more than happy to grab my ear earlier this season, but I have certainly saddened by your silence over the last couple of months.

What’s nice is that we can finally reminisce in what a fine season was had by all this year. There are so many memories I don’t even know where to begin!

I mean remember when you guys almost made it to the Superbowl in 2009? Wow, that was close. It had to be great to carry that hope into the 2010 season. Then, when you guys got Favre back I thought it was all over. I mean no one really expected Favre to waffle at all, and then when he did it must have really been a tense time. I don’t know what you guys would have done without an 11 TD 19 INT superstar this season, but let’s just assume it wouldn’t have been pretty.

If that wasn’t enough for you, I don’t know how you handled the excitement of your star wideout deciding he was too hurt to play most of the season. I love that the guys on your team get to decide when to play and not to play. It really shows how progressive your team really is.

Seriously though, how about having Randy Moss for like one game? How exciting is that? I too would give up the house to get a guy of that caliber into my locker room. I admit, every one of those 200 yards or so were amazing to watch. I missed your insight on all the depth he brought to your squad.

EDIT:

After realizing just how many extraordinary things happened to the Vikings this season, I just have to stop. It’s so easy, it’s not even fun. From the dong slinger, to Chilly, and back again there is no doubt that the Minnesota Vikings are the worst organization in football.

No quarterback, no locker room, hell no stadium.

So Vikings fans I am sorry for cutting this letter short, it just isn’t any fun anymore. It’s like picking a fight with the smallest kid on the playground.

If your team is ever good again, drop me a line.

In the meantime, there is a multitude of products I need to comb through after our Superbowl victory. I’m sure you’ll understand.

Never mind, I guess you wouldn’t.

Love,

Alex

Surprise guests included Santana Dotson and William Henderson. Shaking Henderson’s hand and telling him, “Love it when you come on Green and Gold Today” was perhaps the highlight of the week for me.

Conversely, I must say I was really disgusted by many of the Packer fans there that evening. They were obnoxious, vile, and got drunk and stupid. Way to keep it classy Chedderhead Pack of Houston.

It was a great night, but I was forced to leave out of embarrassment.

There were however some great things said that evening, including a discussion about the most disgusting Packer in the locker room.