I demanded obesity, and Ted Thompson delivered.
Coming into this draft, there was something missing in Titletown. Several years ago, the move to a zone blocking scheme demanded smaller, more agile offensive lineman. Mark Tauscher was the lone exception. On the defensive side, we had the "Big Grease" in Ryan Pickett, but I wasn't satisfied.
I longed for the days of Gilbert Brown and his cardiac arrest inducing burgers. I reminisced about Kevin Barry in the U-71 package, and who can forget John Jurkovic and Frankie Winters' guts hanging over their belts? Hell, I missed Grady Jackson! There was only one thing I ask for in this draft, and Mr. Thompson delivered. We got ourselves a fatty!
Fat guys playing for the Packers just seems right. I was hoping that Andre Smith's glorious man tits would be available at the nine spot, but this wasn't to be. In the end, perhaps the best fatty of '09 fell right into our laps (metaphorically, of course... literally would be extremely painful and/or dangerous). That man is BJ Raji.
Raji isn't your average fatty, however, as the inertia that is caused by this movement is enough to make Isaac Newton blow his load. Not since Warren Sapp have I seen a borderline morbidly-obese man move like this. Check out this combine workout video and you can almost smell the Crisco being excreted from his pores. To add more sizzle to the steak, Thompson added girth to the O-Line with the pickup of TJ Lang early on Sunday. Someone buy up a White Castle franchise in northeastern Wisconsin, immediately!
Thank you Ted, for making a fan's draft day dream come true!