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Bacon Bits

Bacon Bits

baconbits

baconbits

 

Hello Lounge, it is I, Mr. Bacon. Today, I look into the future to next Tuesday. I think it goes something like this.

 

 

 

 

Taken after the Packers win, in the future, Brett Favre sings to himself in the locker room.

 

Packers Translation in ( )

 

Sung to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody

 

Is this the real life? (Yes)
Is this just fantasy (No, you really joined the Vikings.)
Caught in a landslide (Are you talking about Jolly's stomach rolling over you?)
No escape from reality (Pretty much)
Open your eyes (Me?)
Look up to the skies and see (A football)
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy (Well you do make 12 Million this year, but ok.)
Because I'm easy come, easy go, (Yeah)
A little high, little low, (... and into the hands of Collins and Woodson.)
Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me, (Because someone will be out there to catch it.)
To me

 

Mama, just killed a man, (You did?)
Put a gun against his head, (Took him hunting?)
Pulled my trigger, now he is dead, (Oh, I see, you hit him in the helmet with the football.)
Mama, life had just begun, (You're 40.)
But now I've gone and thrown it all away (Including the NFC Championship.)
Mama ooo, (The sound every fan makes when you speak.)
Didn't mean to make you cry (You have, oh you have.)
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow (LOL)
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters (So we can draft a QB in the 1st Round ?)

 

Too late, my time has come, (Has it?)
Sends shivers down my spine (Ouch)
Body aching all the time, (That's going to happen.)
Goodbye everybody I've got to go (ROFL)
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth (But I'll be back in Sept.)
Mama ooo any way the wind blows (The sound everyone makes when ESPN reports on Favre in the offseaon.)
I don't want to die, (You mean retire.)
I sometimes wish Id never been born at all (Awww.)

 

I see a little silhouetto of a man (Aaron Rodgers.)
Scaramouche, scaramouche will you do the fandango (He will. And he will do the cha-cha as well.)
Thunderbolt and lightning... very very frightening me (Good thing you play in a dome.)
Galileo, galileo, (Code word for No, No)
Galileo galileo (No, Yes)
Galileo figaro-magnifico (YES! YES!)
But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me (12 Million...)
He's just a poor boy from a poor family (Perhaps.)
Spare him his life from this monstrosity (He did it to himself.)
Easy come easy go-, will you let me go (We want to...)
Bismillah! no-,we will not let you go-let him go (But we never get a good QB...)
Bismillah! we will not let you go-let him go (Yet you're 40.)
Bismillah! we will not let you go-let me go (Will you attend OTA's?)
Will not let you go-let me go (Will you attend Summer Camp?)
Will not let you go let me go (TRAINING CAMP?)
No,no,no,no,no,no,no- (FUCK!)

 

Mama mia,mama mia,mama mia let me go (That's it, Tavaris is our QB...)
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me,for me,for me (I mean Sage!)
So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye (No we really don't mean that.)

 

So you think you can love me and leave me to die (Were sorry Favre.)
Oh baby-cant do this to me baby (I know.)
Just gotta get out-just gotta get right outta here (Please don't leave us!)
Nothing really matters, (Oh it does.)
Anyone can see, (Can you?)
Nothing really matters-, nothing really matters to me, (What about another Super Bowl?)
Any way the wind blows.... (Once again you play in a dome...)

 

Well that was fun, on to today's article.

 

Congrats to the Packers.

 

They managed to win. To pull themselves to 2-1, and now they head to the Triple H, to square off against the Vikings. The game is going to be insane, not just because of Favre, but because Vikings feel like winners. Brett did a good job in lobbing the ball for anyone to come down with but this time it happened to land in the hands of a receiver. What many people don't realize was how lucky that was. Favre said he didn't know who he was throwing too.

 

Something that might piss you off, but shouldn't.

I think the Packers should be playing .750 football right now.

Now I know a lot of people will say, "Bacon, you're fucking mad, we need to win every game."

 

Here is the list of the 10 Previous Super Bowl Champions and their losses in the Season.

 

08' Steelers: 4

07' Giants: 6

06' Colts: 2

05' Steelers: 5

04' Patriots: 2

03' Patriots: 2

02' Bucs: 4

01' Patriots: 5

00' Ravens: 4

99' Rams: 3

 

The average amount of losses is: 3.7.

 

That means the average amount of losses a championship team makes in a season should be around 4. We suffered our first loss in Week 2. We are currently 2-1 (1-0) for the season, and we play the biggest away game in the division this week. Then we head into the bye.

 

The next five after the bye looks good for us.

Lions, Browns, Vikings, Tampa, Dallas

Current Prediction

11-5

W Vikings (Not Sure)

W Lions

W Browns

W Vikings

W Bucs

W Dallas (Not Sure)

L San Francisco (Not Sure)

W Lions

L Ravens

L Bears (Not Sure)

L Steelers (Not Sure)

W Seattle

W Arizona

Mr. Bacon's NFC Death List for Week 3

Arizona - Sick

St. Louis - Dead

San Francisco - Alive

Seattle - Sick

Bears - Sick

Detroit - Terminal

Green Bay - Alive

Minnesota - Alive

Falcons - Alive

Panthers - Terminal

Saints - Alive

Tampa Bay - Dead

Dallas - Critical

New York  Giants - Alive

Philadelphia Eagles - Sick

Washington Redskins - Terminal

Jarrett Bush

Reo GIO Speedwagon obviously is faster, takes better angles, and has more discipline than Bush. I think it was Al or Greg, who said Bigby's arrival should kill Bush, and I agree. Bush's time on the Packers is over with in a few weeks as he is now expendable.

It will be like Goodfellas, where Ted takes Bush out to Lambeau Field to meet McCarthy. Bush thinks he is going to be made a made man, and then he gets whacked as he sees Collins, Bigby, Giordano, Martin.

Mr. Bacon's Corner of Penance

Aaron Rodgers

Put on a pair of parachute pants, a gold chain, and some shades. Stop! Hammertime!

Ryan Grant

Get your ass back in that Hamster Ball! You did a decent job, but I am teaching you about being consistent. So to train you on that, I am consistently placing your ass in that ball!

Donald Driver

Put a bayonet on your arm whenever you get a first down.

James Jones

Put on a clown nose, because you have clown hands.

John Kuhn

Apply more Crisco to your jersey

Johnny Jolly

Fuse an oxygen mask to your facemask, you are wrecking peoples shit, we need you every down.

Brandon Chillar

Brando, I love ya, but you need to run up some steps.

Clay Matthews

Ultra light exercise with the jug machine, I want you to intercept balls.

O-Line

Maybe you can have ham this week, maybe

Jarrett Bush

"And I can't fight this feeling anymore. I've forgotten what I started fighting for. It's time to bring this ship into the shore. And throw away the oars, forever"

Finale

Now, this isn't necessarily Packer related, but with the new studies on concussions it is definitely football related.

 

When the brain suffers a concussion, it usually smacks against the skull that surrounds it. However, Kyle Turley, the dude who went stone cold crazy and chucked a helmet is having issues after retiring in 2007, even though he suffered one known concussion. It is a sad state when you see someone a shell of what they use to be, and need assistance in everyday life regardless if they are an athlete or not. Long-term abuse of the brain has shown to develop symptoms of dementia, sever depression, and sudden mood swings.

 

One of my long passions other than football was professional wrestling, days before Stone Cold or the Rock.

 

During those years, Chris Benoit was my favorite.

 

The name is familiar, as he was the one to murder his wife and son, and then killed himself.

 

Many people point to steroids, but lots of people, including his former employers at WWE, disregard that for over 20 years, he used lots of Suplex's and Headbutt's that involved landing or hitting his head, to entertain us. Over the course of that time, he slowly became prone to off-stage outbursts, and confusion as his close friend, Eddie Guerrero passed away.

 

This is the slices of Good Tissue vs. Bad Tissue

 

This is part of the game they play and we watch, and regretfully, there is nothing that can really be done to stop this because this is a natural function for such abuse of the body. Now the league can step in and stop the person from playing, but can't stop them from going to another league. The NFL, or course, wouldn't do that because they make money... even if a player dies. Most of the players will not feel the total effects from their playing days until they become Favre's age.

 

So, even though these people make all this money, and live with the fame, what about 20 years down the road, when they are wheelchair bound, and have signs of brain damage? They still have all that money, but is it worth it when you cannot remember your son's name.

 

Something to think about...

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Fan friendly comments only: off Comments (9) This filter will hide comments which have ratio of 5 to 1 down-vote to up-vote.

PackersRS's picture

It was Brian Carriveau who said Bush would be terminated once Bigby was healthy.

Mr. Bacon's picture

Ahhhh. Thanks for the correction.

PackersRS's picture

It was a great post, BTW. VERY nice comparison, Queen, viqueens, the lyrics just fit... really good. And I'm also looking forward to Al's piece about the rivalry, hope he does it...

Oh, and I got a better penance fro Jarrett Bush: Take a plugged radio to bath.

Let's just stop talking about Bush, ok? We already got enough of that Brent BS to get angry about...

But I like the Mr. Bacon’s Corner of Penance.

Stan's picture

Mr Bacon sir, this post is fascinating stuff (plus loved the Queen parody). I used to watch a bit of wrestling in my younger days but didn't know Chris Benoit killed his family then committed suicide...... very interesting further reading on the Wiki. I always cringe when NFL players smack helmets as it must be the equivalent of someone bringing a sledge hammer down on you. There's no denying these guys put it all on the line for us.

Asshalo's picture

Nice posts. The song gave me a good laugh. Colts lost 4 when they won, but that doesn't really affect your argument

Alex Tallitsch's picture

Damn Bacon, you really try to get it all in there. I do agree one loss isn't death, but it sucks nonetheless.

Mr. Bacon's picture

Yes I try to squeeze drops in, but I like to think every teams needs to lose a few in the season to discover all the flaws and get them done before postseason, where every play is magnified because one loss and its over.

Jersey Al's picture

Funny stuff.

Coincidentally, a few nights ago, I started writing about Ryan Grant to the tune of "Running with the Pack". Had to shift gears when I saw your article. I'll come back to that another time.

Love the "Corner of Pennance"

PackersRS's picture

Hey, Al, the rivalry post coming out anytime soon?

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