What Really Grinds My Gears: Packers Week 3 Edition

Cheesehead TV pays homage to Peter Griffin by ripping into the Packers.

I don't know what's gotten into me.

Maybe it's the Packers' 1-2 start that's got me ornery. 

But I just felt like paying homage to Peter Griffin, position-by-position style down the Packers roster.

 

Quarterbacks

You know what really grinds my gears? A quarterback that's telling me to relax while he's in the midst of arguably the worst three-game stretch of his career.

Aaron, you're on pace for the lowest passing yards, completion percentage, touchdowns and yards per attempt you've ever had in a non-injury season. Brian Freaking Hoyer is doing better than you right now.

This is a franchise that's had Arnie Herber, Bart Starr, Lynn Dickey and Brett Favre play the quarterback position. If we wanted to settle for mediocrity, we'd let Matt Flynn start.

 

Running Backs

You know what really grinds my gears? The reigning NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year is conjuring memories of Michael Haddix.

It's taken Eddie Lacy three games to eclipse 100 yards.

Fantasy football owners want their first round draft pick back.

 

Wide Receivers

You know what really grinds my gears? The player that influenced the decision to let James Jones walk away in free agency isn't holding up his end of the bargain.

Catch the damn football, Jarrett.

You've got one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL throwing you passes, yet you looked better last year when Seneca Wallace, Scott Tolzien and Matt Flynn were chucking you the ball.

 

Tight Ends

You know what really grinds my gears? Richard Rodgers got me all excited during the preseason that the might have Packers gotten a steal in the NFL Draft, but he has yet to catch so much as a single pass during the regular season.

Hey Richard, 270-pound tight ends aren't supposed to get pushed backwards by journeyman defensive ends.

Had Davon House known you couldn't stand your ground, he would have dropped the interception on purpose.

 

Offensive Linemen

You know what really grinds my gears? I've been telling people left and right on my podcasts and on radio interviews that the Packers have one of the best pair of guards in the NFL. I hope those people weren't watching the Lions game.

So much for the vaunted tag team of Josh Sitton and T.J. Lang. The Packers might as well have had the Bushwhackers out there.

Here's what I see when I look at Sitton and Lang:

Defensive Line

You know what really grinds my gears? The Packers have a 330-pound manchild languishing on the bench.

Seemingly at some point every game Josh Boyd is flopping around on the ground like a beached whale, yet the Packers coaches have their wolly mammoth of a defensive lineman sitting on the inactive list.

Free Mike Pennel.

 

Linebackers

You know what really grinds my gears? Clay Matthews is as fragile as a piece of porcelain.

First it was a hamstring. Then a broken thumb. Now it's a groin. Next it's going to be a hang nail.

For a lot of players, it takes a stretcher to get them to leave a game. Matthews just walks off the field under his own power and conveniently watches his teammates blow it while he remains blameless.

 

Secondary

You know what really grinds my gears? For a guy with mythical 4.2 speed in the 40-yard dash, Sam Shields sure does get beat deep quite often.

You'd think that by his fifth year in the NFL, Shields would learn his lesson of peeking at the quarterback and then getting burned by opposing wide receivers, but no.

Football players are supposed to have short memories, putting their mistakes behind them. But Shields takes it to a new level. He's the goldfish of the NFL.

 

Special Teams

You know what really grinds my gears? Never mind. You hobbits are doing alright.

 

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Comments (37)

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Samson's picture

September 23, 2014 at 05:20 pm

Relax.
Just breathe.
Step away from the ledge.

The patsies on the schedule will bail us out ...again.

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packsmack's picture

September 23, 2014 at 05:32 pm

More like getting off the road against top 5 run defenses. But yeah, doom and gloom is more fun. Get a life, sociopath.

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Brian Carriveau's picture

September 23, 2014 at 06:53 pm

Send me the draft of your article on how the "Packers won't sign Jordy Nelson to a long-term contract" or how "Mike Daniels will never play a meaningful snap for the Packers" or how the "Packers will go 4-12 last season" and I'll get on that right away.

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Brian Carriveau's picture

September 23, 2014 at 07:17 pm

I'm not making anything up. "Dude won't be on the field for any meaningful snaps":

http://cheeseheadtv.com/blog/mike-daniels-continues-to-break-stereotypes...

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Point-Packer's picture

September 23, 2014 at 07:34 pm

The best thing about Cow's 6-10 prediction is that it was reliant on AR being healthy the entire year. #12 doesn't break his collarbone the Pack is 10-6/11-5.

COW also predicted the Washington Football Team would win when we met last year. Ha.

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zerotolerance's picture

September 23, 2014 at 08:03 pm

Wow man. Get a life.

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FITZCORE1252's picture

September 23, 2014 at 07:48 pm

#OWNED

Cow, it's apparent people are bookmarking your dumbass predictions, predictions you thought people would forget. Well, they're not.

Nickels worth of free advice... get out of the prediction business, you're terrible at it.

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Samson's picture

September 23, 2014 at 08:16 pm

@packsmack
Obviously, denial is your MO. Wake up! --- It's not 2010 anymore.
Jenkins, Woodson, Collins, Jennings, Jones, Finley, Bishop and Wells are all gone & have yet to be adequately replaced.
You need to closely examine TT's last 4 drafts & quit making injury excuses. (also cease on the annoying bumper sticker lines)

Now go ahead --- breeeeathe. ----- LOL.

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Barnacle's picture

September 24, 2014 at 10:46 am

MM has grown a big head and became a very inadequate coach. TT's biggest fault is not waking up his head coach. Someone needs to get this team back to good basic football fundamentals. The expanding hard to learn playbook will not solve the problem.

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Don Hutson's picture

September 24, 2014 at 07:00 am

Goose Favre - Goose Favre!

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WisconsinRob's picture

September 23, 2014 at 05:29 pm

Sounds like Constantinople really turned Brian's perspective :)

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Point-Packer's picture

September 23, 2014 at 07:29 pm

You know what really grinds my gears?

The fact that AJ Hawk can't keep his dam helmet on and continuously exposes the TV viewing public to that horrendous New Kids On The Block hair-cut.

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Guisado's picture

September 23, 2014 at 08:22 pm

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FITZCORE1252's picture

September 23, 2014 at 08:16 pm

I'm more of a Stan Smith guy, then Quagmire, then Peter. That said, nice break from your usual stuff, Brian. Good changeup.

I'm only in 2 leagues this year, took Lacy in both... I've won one game. Definitely not all on him, but he hasn't done "diddly-poo". WTF is going on with that guy? North. South. Dude.

And why the hell aren't they getting R Rodgers going? Dude looked decent, throw him the ball over the middle, it could really help the offense. See Bennett, Martellus AKA Black Unicorn (only person doing squat on either of my teams).

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zerotolerance's picture

September 23, 2014 at 08:00 pm

I suggested in TC that Boykin was not a WR3, and suggested he might not make the 53. I was trashed in reply. Well - I think I was right.

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Guisado's picture

September 23, 2014 at 08:24 pm

Easy, Tiger. It's week 3. Nobody's right (or wrong) about anything yet.

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packsmack's picture

September 23, 2014 at 08:29 pm

What grinds my gears is that everyone here responds to obvious trolls. I got sucked in today. Won't happen again.

But when you engage with them- reply to them, reference them, say their name during broadcasts- you give them the attention they desire. We used to have adult discourse, I swear it. Now it's nothing but yapping back and forth at psychopaths. And yes, they are psychopaths:
http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/climate_desk/2014/02/in...

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Samson's picture

September 23, 2014 at 08:40 pm

The 'rules' according to packsmack.
Grow up. ---- Disagreements and differences of opinion are part of the discourse. If you can't handle the debate, don't participate.

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Lphill's picture

September 23, 2014 at 08:32 pm

why do you all feed into this COW person? he is just here to bring everyone down, if you dont support the Packers then dont watch them, remember as COW said its a talentless team. spoken like a true Vikings fan. You live a sad life when you never see your team win a championship. Packer fans should never be sad maybe frustrated or impatient but the wins will come again.

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4thand1's picture

September 23, 2014 at 09:25 pm

C=constantly
O=obsessively
W=wrong
& you suck

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Point-Packer's picture

September 23, 2014 at 11:58 pm

"Viking actually have more overall team talent than the Packers."

They will win four games at best this year you tard.

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MadJam's picture

September 23, 2014 at 09:05 pm

Getting upset about anything on here is idiotic. But it is entertaining. Like Aaron Rodgers said. "Relax"

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Allan Murphy's picture

September 23, 2014 at 09:22 pm

I see 2-2 this week.

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4thand1's picture

September 23, 2014 at 09:26 pm

Hands down.

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Evan's picture

September 24, 2014 at 10:02 am

* through 18% of the season

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RCPackerFan's picture

September 23, 2014 at 11:01 pm

Brian, you forgot to add the coaches.

'What grinds my gears'.
How McCarthy continues to struggle to make the adjustments needed in game to have success. They say the running game wasn't having success. Yet Starks ran 8 times for 38 yards (4.8 yard average). I consider 4.8 yards per carry a success, so why not ride him more when he is producing.
Also he said they should be able to run against a 6 man from, which I agree with. But when the overall run game isn't working, try substituting the run with using the RB's in the passing game. Screens, swings and dump-offs can have the same effect as running the ball.

How about the lack of creativity in the play calling. If 3 WR's sets aren't working how about trying 2 TE's 2 WR's and a running back. Another way to attack a team playing cover 2 is to use the TE up the middle. Where is the TE's? And specifically where is Bostick? The one TE that can be considered a difference maker at the position and he hasn't been used.

Players have to execute but sometimes the play caller can put players in positions to succeed. McCarthy needs to do a better job at that.

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Tundraboy's picture

September 25, 2014 at 06:14 pm

I wonder if he is capable of in game adjustments.

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cuphound's picture

September 24, 2014 at 12:38 am

I don't think I've seen Brian this spittin' mad since he wanted to fire Finley. I love it!

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thebeast431's picture

September 24, 2014 at 07:29 am

IMO,

The only thing that changed this year from previous is the O-Line. Its begins, and ends there. No running gaps (O-line). No time to throw (O-line).
Defense gets tired and injured because they are always on the field (O-line).

Fix the O-line issues, fix the Packers.

Just look to Denver or New England to see why. Both QB's never need to move from the pocket and have all day to find an open receiver.

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Evan's picture

September 24, 2014 at 07:58 am

New England? Really? You watch a Pats game this year?

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Packatron's picture

September 24, 2014 at 10:06 am

I agree it's mostly O line play. But when you're going against big time front 4's like the SEA, NYJ, and DET it's a tall task as far as matchup. Our O line isn't talented enough to take on these kinds of fronts and so far it shows.

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Tundraboy's picture

September 25, 2014 at 06:17 pm

True. Look at NE. Brady is under siege and is criticized for not throwing the deep ball. Running game 3.4yards per carry. Sound familiar?

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jeremyjjbrown's picture

September 24, 2014 at 11:24 am

Relax... Rodgers has three more commercial shoots scheduled this month so everything will be just fine.

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Big_Mel_75's picture

September 24, 2014 at 10:54 am

What grinds my gears is a GM that can't pick a middle linebacker to save his life. To stubbard to get some help in free agency. A head coach that takes a time out to set up a long fieldgoal attempt while your on defense. Also said coach took the screen pass out of his playbook and burned it. Runs the same play 15 times with no sucess, who allows his #1 WR to get double teamed and never put him in motion to get off double team... Soon said head coach will get 5yr extension to be the most conserivative coach in the NFL..

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Bryce Hansen's picture

September 24, 2014 at 11:42 am

Very un-Carriveau like...but I kinda like it.

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@ballark's picture

September 24, 2014 at 12:35 pm

Damn, Carriveau going all the way IN on 52. I have a hard time with that one, especially pointing out the thumb. Dude went out there with a fragile hand and basically mangled it all over again precisely because he wasn't willing to sit.

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Point-Packer's picture

September 24, 2014 at 03:20 pm

You know what really grinds my gears?

Mike McCarthy and his 70's style simplistic offense. I've seen more flair at Sunday afternoon Bingo. MM's offense makes watching a Carrot Top comedy skit look reasonably entertaining. Seriously, my high school football team had more diversity in the playbook.

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